I'm sorry for your pain, Gabrielle, which I think is important to acknowledge whilst also acknowledging that your life is not a morass of misery as a result. My daughter had two ectopic pregnancies in her early twenties, had to have her fallopian tubes removed, and had to sit through a decade of people telling her the ectopic ones clearly weren't to happen and so it was all for the best in the end (!!!), or asking about the patter of tiny feet and saying comfortingly that she should just relax and it would all happen on its own (without fallopian tubes?). IVF was successful and she gave birth to the light of my life, but people really do not know how to respond to or talk about the fact that some people would like children and haven't been able to.
Oh, Louise, "Just relax and let it happen" is the most cruel and insulting and pressurizing thing that can be said to people who are trying for a baby (do they really think we're so uptight we've forgotten which bit goes where?), and people who have not been there would not believe the sheer number and sheer variety of people who say it with completely straight faces. I'm so sorry for that awful decade your daughter went through - poor girl, what a nightmare - but how lovely that the story had a happy ending! Thank you for sharing it, and I bet you're an amazing granny!
You strike such a deft balance here in raising awareness about how people can be thoughtlessly cruel towards those who suffer infertility. You depict honest pain and a total lack of self-pity and wrap it in your lovely gentle humor.
Well, thank you, Anneke. At my advanced age, I've had many years to learn to deal with society's reaction to my situation - and believe me, I've had a few sweet words with that florist this week, along the way - but I wish with all my heart that this were a subject we could all acknowledge as just an admittedly sad part of society's tapestry and move along. One day ... conversation by conversation ...
Well, thank you very much, Shelly, both for the kind words and for your kind offer to share on Facebook. Infertility is a topic I've been trying to write about for years and have become increasingly frustrated that nobody - NOBODY - seems to want to hear about, which is heartbreaking, because there are a lot of women out there who are very sad indeed, and because nobody is wiling to engage in a conversation about this, then nobody knows how to talk about it, and so we continue lonely as well as sad. Thanks for helping to drag it out into the light!
So well said. If you think it would help build your audience, I could share it to facebook in a link. Let me know.
I'm sorry for your pain, Gabrielle, which I think is important to acknowledge whilst also acknowledging that your life is not a morass of misery as a result. My daughter had two ectopic pregnancies in her early twenties, had to have her fallopian tubes removed, and had to sit through a decade of people telling her the ectopic ones clearly weren't to happen and so it was all for the best in the end (!!!), or asking about the patter of tiny feet and saying comfortingly that she should just relax and it would all happen on its own (without fallopian tubes?). IVF was successful and she gave birth to the light of my life, but people really do not know how to respond to or talk about the fact that some people would like children and haven't been able to.
Oh, Louise, "Just relax and let it happen" is the most cruel and insulting and pressurizing thing that can be said to people who are trying for a baby (do they really think we're so uptight we've forgotten which bit goes where?), and people who have not been there would not believe the sheer number and sheer variety of people who say it with completely straight faces. I'm so sorry for that awful decade your daughter went through - poor girl, what a nightmare - but how lovely that the story had a happy ending! Thank you for sharing it, and I bet you're an amazing granny!
You strike such a deft balance here in raising awareness about how people can be thoughtlessly cruel towards those who suffer infertility. You depict honest pain and a total lack of self-pity and wrap it in your lovely gentle humor.
Well, thank you, Anneke. At my advanced age, I've had many years to learn to deal with society's reaction to my situation - and believe me, I've had a few sweet words with that florist this week, along the way - but I wish with all my heart that this were a subject we could all acknowledge as just an admittedly sad part of society's tapestry and move along. One day ... conversation by conversation ...
Well, thank you very much, Shelly, both for the kind words and for your kind offer to share on Facebook. Infertility is a topic I've been trying to write about for years and have become increasingly frustrated that nobody - NOBODY - seems to want to hear about, which is heartbreaking, because there are a lot of women out there who are very sad indeed, and because nobody is wiling to engage in a conversation about this, then nobody knows how to talk about it, and so we continue lonely as well as sad. Thanks for helping to drag it out into the light!
You’ve been a brilliant godmother to all of our children - thank you x
The ability to pick the right flowers at the right time is a new maternal superpower to me too. Forgive me if I am ever so slightly skeptical